This past week, my state Licensing representative informed me that she chose to cite my center as deficient of complying with state law regarding how much time I am present at the center during business hours conducting director-related tasks. The requirement is 75% of operating hours minimally. Based on interviews with a few parents and staff, she determined that I am not meeting the minimum requirement. On one hand, I want to be outraged. Okay, I am a tad outraged and struggling to wrap my mind and emotions around the correct perspective and mindset on this determination. I feel attacked. I do travel more than your average director, I do have a different leadership structure in my center than every other director I know, and I do have a focus on tasks that are beyond the day-to-day business (writing trainings for my staff and coming up with innovative ways to reach out community and provide a better service for our families). She stated she believes my assistant director is fulfilling the responsibilities of director more than I am.
My pride immediately steps into the driver seat of my thoughts: doesn’t she know how dedicated I am to the success of my staff and quality of my center? How much I pour myself into being a good leader for my organization? She talked to a few people who have a 10 second window into my presence when they pass by my office. Don’t they know that when given a choice, I always choose to be present at the center? That I’m no longer a morning bird, or a night owl, I’m a permanently exhausted pigeon? I pour myself into the center and my people, and yet I am accused of not doing enough.
It’s true, our center doesn’t fit the mold. We spend a good bit of our energy capitalizing on growth opportunities. We are trying to do something nobody else is doing, creating better trainings paired with practical experience in the classroom for our teachers. That requires stepping out of the mold that others follow. I am present much more than the average person realizes. I simply don’t follow the traditional routine of being locked in my office or scheduled into a classroom from opening to closing every day.
A piece of me wants to get defensive and have the approach that when my accusers have walked a mile in my heels… that only when they have done my job for a while… that when they can do it better… then and only then should they criticize my decisions. BUT. There is a grain of truth to every criticism. I’m frustrated that this state finding will give credibility to those who have accused me of being absent from my office walls more than they believe I should.
My approach should be one of humility – what can I do better? What can I change? Are my priorities out of balance? And even more humbling, do my staff believe I am an absentee leader. I need to ask for honest feedback and then be willing to make adjustments based on it.
Recently, I was reading a book that calls for leaders to encourage radical candor with their staff: to encourage staff to challenge the boss. I think this is my next growth opportunity as a leader. While I am unsure how to go about implementing it – I need to figure it out. I need to know better what my staff need from me. Maybe even more importantly, I need to know that they feel the liberty to add their honest and unfiltered suggestions and ideas to our conversations. I don’t want a company filled with ‘yes men.’ Up until the phone call from my state representative, I didn’t think I had an issue with this. Now I feel uncertain. I can respond in pride, or in humility. To the best of my current knowledge, my staff support my priorities and want me to continue creating trainings that help them succeed and grow. Pride says, I already know the answer. Humility says, go ask the hard question and be open to the answers I get.
In addition to being willing to go to my staff and ensure we have a culture that promotes radical candor in their conversations with me, I need to have the right heart attitude toward my Licensing representative and her decision. It feels like my enemies are prevailing with her decision: it gave credibility to their accusations. I am right in my relationship with the Lord. I am actively seeking to draw closer to Him. I am turning to Him for wisdom and guidance. I don’t understand why this would happen, why He didn’t intervene for me. King David wrote a Psalm that strikes me as struggling with a similar situation: his enemies were prevailing, and he was waiting on God to intervene and help with the enemies. David’s conclusion is one that I will adopt today:
“But I have trusted in they mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation. I will sing unto the Lord, because he hath dealt bountifully with me.” Psalm 13:5-6
Even when my enemies appear to be prevailing. Even when I don’t understand. I will trust in my Savior’s mercy and sing praise to Him for his goodness toward me.
