by Dr. Amanda McElroy
“What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.” Psalm 56:3
Fear can be healthy and normal, and it can be excessive and illogical: whichever the case, we cannot walk through life wholly avoiding any facet of fear. The question today is not, “How do I avoid fear?” The question today is: “How do I face my fear biblically?” Fear can be crippling. For quite some time, I’ve had a burden on my heart; a vision for what God wants me to do with the talents and training He has provided in my life. I blame my lack of forward progress on so many excuses. But an excuse is just a reason wrapped in a lie. My part in obeying the prompting of the Holy Spirit does not include worrying about the end result, or how it will be received, but to take the step placed in front of me, trusting God’s sovereignty.
Sometimes I wonder how many wonderful, God-honoring moments to help, encourage, or influence someone I’ve missed because I wanted to be sure that it was the Holy Spirit, I couldn’t see the end-result, I was afraid, or worse, I was moving too fast to pay attention. I’ve failed to witness boldly to my staff and clients for fear of being called a hypocrite because I’m not perfect, and I know they see it. I’ve failed to do more to teach those in my sphere of influence about the Lord because there might be public criticism. I’ve failed to boldly and kindly speak the Truth instead of sprinkling Jesus onto situations for fear of offending. I’ve failed to honestly admit to myself that I’ve been living in fear, and to call my lack of obedience what it is – sin!
I wish I could get back those missed opportunities to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. But I cannot.
Whoever said “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” must have never attempted to live for the Lord and been met with adversaries along the way. Words do hurt, and they can create fear in our hearts. How often do we allow fear of criticism, opposition, rejection, and downright cruel responses keep us from boldly pursuing the leading of the Holy Spirit?
David phrased his choice eloquently in Psalm 56: 4: “In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.” I want to claim this verse for today, and every day for the rest of my life!
I want to be bold. I want to shout from the rooftops about God’s mercy to me. I don’t deserve His forgiveness, and yet He extends it over and over. I choose myself over Him time and time again, yet He loves me and is good to me. That’s the thing with obeying the Holy Spirit – fear is all about me, obedience is all about God.
Have you ever had a moment when you thought the Holy Spirit might be nudging you, and you didn’t act on it because you weren’t completely confident? Oh boy, I have. Sometimes I fail to obey because I’m not confident of the outcome. It’s like I forget that my God is Omniscient and Almighty. The outcome is in His hands, not mine. My part is to simply obey. Recently, I listened to the nudging, and today I’m overjoyed with the result. It has been so much better than I anticipated. Recently, I invited a staff lady (let’s call her Rose) to come to church with me. I get so afraid that people will criticize my efforts to influence, and that I will be putting unwanted pressure on my staff, making them uncomfortable, because I’m in a position of leadership and authority, that I fail to even try. But this time, I chose obedience to the still, small voice in my heart. The invitation opened doors in both my heart and hers. Instead of being put off and uncomfortable, she responded with warmness and expressed in her own way that it was lovely to have someone care about her and about how her life is going. Emboldened by her reaction, having learned that she didn’t own a Bible, there was a quiet tug on my heart. I admit felt rather awkward and unsure, so I didn’t tell her what I was up to. I asked her what her favorite color was, and did not get a simple answer in return. Unbeknownst to her, I pulled up Amazon on my computer while talking to her. I did a search and started asking her questions based on the colors I found. Finally, 17 options later, I described one that she liked – without her knowing what I was talking about. It was quite fun. And I was quite nervous about how she would react when I gave it to her. A few days later, it came in the mail. When the moment came, I tried to be nonchalant and casual, but inside I was shaking like a leaf. When she saw it, she lit up like a Christmas tree, literally put her hands to her cheeks, and did a little bitty happy dance. It’s a moment I will cherish forever. The gift wasn’t taken as an insult, she wasn’t put off, she felt loved.
A few days went by, I had been pondering what might come of the Bible gift in my heart, unsure of what follow-up to add. Another staff member popped into my office to let me know that Rose had been sharing with her coworkers how she had been reading her new Bible. I was at a loss for words: as much in awe over her reaction to receiving the Bible as in shame at my lack of faith. The tugging on my heart came back. Why not offer a new Bible to all of my staff? Perhaps she wasn’t the only one who had never owned their own Bible. Perhaps the Lord could use me afterall. Options were found and a flyer created. I sent one of my staff ladies around to ask every staff member if they would like a Bible, and which option they preferred. The ensuing sizzle of excitement was so great it could be felt in every corner of our building.
In the meantime, one week after receiving her Bible, I sat down with Rose and we had an amazing chat about where she was reading and the things she was learning. Her entire demeanor had changed in that weeks’ time. It was like a light had begun to burn brightly within her. The more she learned of God’s love for her, the brighter the light was burning. That day, I had the humbling and profound pleasure of walking her through the Gospel and she accepted Christ as her Savior. I am so proud of her, I am so excited for her, and I am so grateful that God loves me enough to forgive my sin and disobedience. I am grateful God doesn’t walk away from me when I choose fear over His leading. I am grateful that I can start from where I am today and choose His leading over fear. I am grateful that I can claim Lamentations 3:22-23 today: “It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.”
From now on, when the Holy Spirit whispers in my ear and tugs on my heart, I want to boldly acquiesce to His leading!
Today, I got to participate in multiple very sweet moments. The Bibles ordered for the rest of my staff had arrived and a Bible Reading Tips guide has been written for them. Today, I got to write their names in their new Bibles and distribute them to my ladies. Once again, the excitement could be felt throughout the building as Bible-based conversations erupted from room to room. One of my ladies stopped by to let me know that she has never owned a Bible before and is excited to have one now. The Bibles opened the door for conversation about coming to church and by the end of the day several staff had asked about being able to come with those of us who are members of the church of which our childcare is a ministry. The topic of the day has been God, the Bible, and how church works. Even the mailman joined in and informed us he wanted to visit on Sunday too.
God will work through our obedience. He is Sovereign. He is Omniscient. He is Almighty. If we must be afraid, then let’s be afraid and obey anyway.
