A staff member walks by my office door, visibly upset: crying and shaking. My protective boss lady mode is immediately activated as I jump up from my desk and follow after her. I ask her what’s wrong and her story unfolds. She tells me a client had just aggressively berated her over a policy. The client wanted her to ignore a policy, and she declined, resulting in the client screaming and cussing at her. My first instinct is to jump to my staff member’s defense and go nuclear on the client. But I can’t think of an example in the Bible that matches my desired reaction. Flying into a fit of rage on behalf of my staff member feels like a justified response. How dare this client try to bully my staff. They work hard to provide a quality service, and do not deserve to be treated disrespectfully. As my mind works through my response options, there is a whisper in my mind that says reacting in anger is not the right choice. There’s a great principle that should be activated when mistreatment has occurred and we are deciding how to respond: no attack, no defense. If my reaction is either defensive, or an attack, it is not the right choice. Sometimes I want to react in anger on behalf of someone else, and sometimes on behalf of myself.
When another person is raging at a situation or individual, we should beware. I want to help my staff, my friends, and my family, and I want to act in a manner that is biblical and pleases Christ. Proverbs 14:16 says: “A wise man feareth, and departeth from evil: but the fool rageth, and is confident.” The fool is confident because she feels that her rage is justified. When a staff member, friend, or family member comes to us, raging against someone else, confident that they are in the right – the easiest response is to jump on the band wagon. The correct response is to put it in park for a moment and not jump on the rage train with them. Their rage is not likely to end peaceably, and you will be caught in the fray.
There are times when we will be faced with a situation that naturally evokes rage in us. Proverbs 14:17a says, “He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly:” When those moments come that lend themselves to flying into a fit of rage in response, we need to take a step back. Have you ever had one of those moments when you gave in to the feelings of anger and gave someone a piece of your mind, only to find you didn’t have the complete picture and had grossly overreacted? It’s amazing how fast the feeling of rage can be replaced with a feeling of shame as I realize I acted too quickly, without all of the facts, and made a fool of myself as a result. It would be wise when we feel ourselves leaning toward an angry reaction, to remove emotions from the equation and verify all the facts. Then, when considering what response is appropriate, we should begin with the end in mind. Leading with anger will only serve to produce an angry dialogue that is likely to be unproductive. When we choose a response that moves the dialogue toward the desired result and can be productive and we will avoid making fools of ourselves.
There are times when taking a stand is appropriate. Taking a stand for what is right does not require a raging fit, though there may be times when that is appropriate. Christ walked into the temple and overthrew the tables of the money changers. He made his point, and he moved on with the day. What he didn’t do is stand there and go ten rounds with them about what miserable human beings they were. If taking a stand for right is needed, do so, and as intensely as the situation requires, but do so in a manner that does not tip into foolishness. A good rule of thumb for knowing where the fine line is of an appropriately measured response and foolishness is asking yourself if your response if kind. You can be firm and even intense without being unkind. Ephesians 4:32 is the guideline: “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
A Few Verses on Anger:
“Go not forth hastily to strive, lest thou know not what to do in the end thereof, when thy neighbor hath put thee to shame.” Proverbs 25:8
“He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.” Proverbs 25:28
“Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.” Proverbs 22:24-25
“It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.” Proverbs 21:9
“It is an honour for a man to cease from strife: but every fool will be meddling.”
Proverbs 20:3
“He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.” Proverbs 16:32
“Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.”
Ecclesiastes 7:9
