by Dr. Amanda McKelroy | April 20, 2022
I don’t know why God didn’t let me meet the right man in college, get married, and have kids. Growing up, all I wanted to be was a wife and a mom. There were times when I considered potential career paths, and every time chose not to pursue them because I did not believe I could be excellent at the career and be a good wife and mom: ultimately, I chose wife and mom.
Fast forward to my senior year of college: my life was turned on its ear. My family moved from Oregon, where I was raised and had roots, to Texas, where I knew nobody. The backup plan career I had chosen, on the off-chance I graduated single, was in Oregon not Texas. When graduation came, I was as single as a young lady could be, with no prospects in sight. Senior year was a rough year of coming to terms with my new realty. Our new church in Texas has a childcare, open to the community, that is a ministry of the church. My bachelor degree was in secondary education, and there were no thoughts or consideration of working with young children. In my heart, I determined to find a way to keep my backup plan alive, but God had another plan. My father asked me to work at the childcare for two years. Those two years I was so sure God would let me leave and pursue my backup plan, but He did not. In the meantime, He has opened door of opportunity that have been absolutely amazing. Those doors did not start opening until I resolved to throw myself into being the best I could be right where I am, even when I don’t understand and even when I don’t like it.
Twelve years later I still don’t know why God hasn’t allowed me to be a wife and mom. I don’t know why God placed me in a leadership position where I regularly face scary challenges and trials, deal with ungrateful and unkind people, and am constantly lonely. What I do know is that I’m in God’s will and today it doesn’t include a husband or kids. Today, God’s will includes being the best leader I can be for my staff and clients. Today, God’s will includes facing hard things, fueled by His grace and strength. Without Him, I can’t do this. I’m insecure. I hate conflict. I hate change. I dislike dealing with people’s messiness. I don’t possess the mental or emotional capacity required. However, this is where God wants me and I must choose to be the best I can be for Him while trusting His plan. One of my favorite verses in the Bible says: “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest.” Ecclesiastes 9:10 (KJV)
Over the years I’ve seen many graphics and even books boasting the phrase “bloom where you are planted.” There is a great analogy there because of how God created seeds. So many different meanings to the phrase, all of which are excellent and applicable. But when I think of blooming where I am planted, I realize that flowers were created to glorify God, not people! I was created to glorify God even when I don’t understand His plan. Understanding is not required. Wanting to be at my place of employment and ministry is not even required. Faithfulness is. Glorifying God is. Embracing God’s will for my life is how I bloom where I am planted. Just as the seed or bulb doesn’t get a say in where it is planted, I don’t get to ask myself if I want to be here. I simply do my best where God has placed me.
This idea of giving God your best even when you don’t understand and don’t necessarily love the circumstances brings to mind a story from the life of Moses. There were many parts of the life of Moses that were not stellar, and then there were highlights. There was a time when Moses had been exiled from Egypt, no longer royalty, a fugitive from Egyptian rule. The next moment many people think of is his return to Egypt as the leader of God’s people. But between those two life highlights, there is a moment when God does miracles through him. My thought isn’t about the miracles, it’s what God used to perform one of them – a shepherd staff. Moses went from being an Egyptian prince to a lowly shepherd. What a change in demographic and daily routine! Moses didn’t set out to be a shepherd, and he didn’t set out to lead God’s people. But because he was willing to trust God with something he didn’t understand, God took that humble shepherd rod and used it to perform a miracle – and then used it and Moses to lead His people out of slavery. It’s easy to get caught up in the great leadership that Moses displayed once he returned to Egypt, but before then there was a period of time when he was simply faithful to his duties and God greatly rewarded that in His own time.
I have chosen to abide in God’s will and trust His plan for my life, even though I don’t understand and some days I quite frankly don’t like it. Once the decision has been made, how I feel each day is irrelevant. God’s will for my life and yours is not based on how we feel or how much we like it. A missionary who had been on the field for over four decades once preached in chapel during my college years and said something regarding staying in God’s will I have lived by ever since: “When you make a decision based on fact, the feeling will follow.” ~Don Sisk
If God brought me here, He will have to remove me for me to walk away. And so, I show up every day and do my best. I will admit I wish I was married, but I cannot dwell on anything but how to do the best where I am. I will bloom where God planted me because it will glorify Him, and that is reason enough.
