Life isn’t a fairytale. My heart is in turmoil. From time to time a life circumstance presents itself and leaves me struggling to know how to respond. There’s a cockroach in my hallway this morning. I shudder to sit here and write this fact down. My initial reaction to seeing it laying there, on its back, helpless and unwelcome, was embarrassment and disgust. Somehow, I feel like anyone who learned a cockroach found his (or her?) way inside my house would believe me to be a filthy slob. How is it even possible for a gross bug to be inside the house of a clean person??? How could I let this happen? Naturally, I must have failed in my house-owner duties for Mr. Cockroach to have made his way inside. Ew. Can you feel me starting to spiral this morning? I’ve taken his presence as a personal failure because in fairytale land, up in the clouds, nothing unfair, unpleasant, or gross should happen if I’ve done what I can to do right. Down on planet earth, in the real world, there’s a realization that life isn’t perfect. Despite our efforts – best, or otherwise – unpleasant circumstances happen. There are many realities in life over which we have no control. However, we can control ourselves: our responses, our actions, our words, and our attitudes (yes, plural).
We can choose to break the behavioral norm that society has taught us claiming that if something goes wrong in life, if something is gross, if something is unfair or unpleasant, we are somehow to blame. Conversely, we must accept even when we are doing the best we know how to do, life can be unfair, ugly, and downright gross. I’m sitting at my desk, writing to you, watching Mr. Cockroach in my hallway struggle to make his life right again – he goes still for a moment, then kicks all of his little legs for a moment, and then repeats the cycle. Until the moment he dies, he will continue to try, over and over, to do something about his current, unpleasant reality. He won’t give up and let himself fade into oblivion without doing everything in his power to correct the problem. I wonder if Mr. Cockroach has more gumption than I do in responding to life’s unpleasant circumstances? It’s a sobering thought.
Perhaps, instead of being disgusted that a bug God created was seeking refuge with me, I can learn a lesson from him. Even fairytales have problems and struggles. The question isn’t if a circumstance that is unfair, unpleasant, or gross is going to cross my path today. The question is how will I respond when it does? Will I have a victim mentality and whine about it until someone rescues me or validates my pity party? Will I get angry and frustrated and let the circumstance rule my emotions, spreading the unpleasantness to everyone I come in contact with that day? Will I let the circumstance rule me? Or, will I choose to adopt a Christ-honoring mindset and respond in a manner that allows Christ to be seen through me? In a fairytale world, we get to make the circumstance all about us. But in reality, we should be pointing people to Christ with everything we do. We should be viewing and responding to the circumstance from a biblical perspective, honoring the Lord with our response. Let’s choose to have a biblical mindset not a fairytale mindset as we respond to life’s unpleasant circumstances.
“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace,
whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.”
Isaiah 26:3
As a leader of a Christian organization, I have had the opportunity to witness how the Lord can work through unexpected and trying circumstances. I’ve learned that when I am trying diligently to respond to life and to lead in a manner that honors the Lord and points people toward Him; when I am trying to accomplish something for the Lord, the devil becomes very active in my life personally and in my organization. When I was a freshly minted leader, I would be distressed over the calamity that I would find myself handling. It seems so unfair to be trying so hard to do right, only to be met with one obstacle after another. That mentality is very self-absorbed.
There is no verse in the Bible that promises life will be fair. Unpleasant circumstances are part of life for everyone. Ecclesiastes talks about different life seasons, and unpleasant ones made the list:
“A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.”
Ecclesiastes 3:4
Some circumstances are part of life, and happen to anyone and everyone. Matthew 5:45 says the the Lord “…maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.” Other circumstances are because we are intentionally living for Christ. May I remind us all about faithful Christian Job from the Old Testament? When he found himself facing circumstances that were unfair, unpleasant, and downright heartbreaking he did not choose a self-absorbed response, he chose to honor the Lord in his response. Job’s response to a tragic set of circumstances – losing his children and possessions in one fell swoop – was to worship the Lord. It is doubtful I will ever encounter circumstances as tragic as those Job faced, yet my reaction tends to be fully self-absorbed and sometimes downright foolish when viewed from this perspective.
“Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head,
and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, And said, Naked same I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away;
blessed be the name of the Lord. In all this Job sinned not, not charged God foolishly.”
Job 1:20-22
After many years of responding to unexpected and often unpleasant circumstances, I find it comforting to know that I must be on the right path in how I am responding when the devil is making his presence known in my life. When I am not maintaining a Christ-honoring mindset, the devil has no reason to wreak havoc in my life. When I am diligently striving to honor Christ in my responses to life, the devil gets involved. He doesn’t need me to wreck my life, he only needs me to stop fighting to do right.
It’s easy to slip into a “why me?” mentality in leadership – especially when I find myself suddenly facing an unpleasant situation. My nature is to make the situation all about me instead of maintaining a Christ-honoring mentality that maybe, just maybe, there’s something else going on here and I should be reflecting the Lord in my approach to the situation instead of acting like I only represent myself.
Once upon a time, I was in my office – door shut – on a zoom training (and my staff were aware so they wouldn’t interrupt). One of my assistant directors decided they had an issue so urgent, it warranted interrupted the live zoom training and mandated a moment of my time. The way he asked was urgent in nature so I muted the zoom training and let him have the floor. He launched into an opinionated tirade about needing more assistant directors for the center to be run correctly and effectively, that he didn’t like his position, and was forcing himself to come to work every day: and then demanded to know what I was going to do about it. I was taken back initially, I had gone above and beyond to provide resources, training, and help to him and the second assistant director. They had both neglected to utilize the resources and options made available to help them work smarter, not harder. I sat there for a moment and absorbed what he was saying, unsure of how to respond. I knew I had done my best to set him up to be successful as a member of my staff, and I knew that I had heavily invested in him as a person and aspiring leader. There he was, throwing it back at me and saying it wasn’t good enough and I was the reason he wasn’t succeeding in his position. In that moment, I wanted to make the situation all about me. Quite frankly, had any lower-ranking member of my staff stood in my office and expressed how much they didn’t like their job and didn’t want to be present any longer, I would accept their verbal resignation and walk them out the door. I found his tirade to be disrespectful and infuriating. My pride was screaming to be let loose, to list every way in which I had gone beyond the call of duty to invest in him, to remind him of the resources and opportunities I had brought to him that he squandered. But that reaction would have been self-absorbed, and not Christ-honoring. I freely admit that in the moment, I did not know what a Christ-honoring response to this specific unpleasant circumstance looked like. I had to take a day to figure it out: to examine my own heart and mindset, and to pray about the correct response. The next day we had a meeting. The conclusion of the matter was that he used me as his verbal punching bag when he shouldn’t have, but it was a heart issue on his part, and not actually about me as the boss lady. He apologized for his tirade, and we worked on what solutions could be implemented to help him work smarter, not harder and enjoy the fruits of his labors. Admittedly, within the whole scenario, there are moments I wish I had handled better, but I am grateful that in the end we were able to get over ourselves and move forward in a manner that was Christ-honoring.
Sometimes I have to remind myself that if it weren’t for the grace of God, I wouldn’t be where I am today, that Christ is bigger than the unpleasant circumstance I am facing, and that I represent the Lord.
It seems when my pride is in the driver seat, I forget that without God’s grace and help I myself am incapable. In those moments when I am puffed up with what I feel is righteous indignation, I forget about the times when I was begging the Lord for help and He answered the prayers. When I didn’t know what to do, and solutions materialized out of nowhere. When I would be inwardly begging the Lord for the right staff person for a specific position, and someone I had seen every day for months walked in and I knew in that moment, she was the right fit. The Lord has intervened, helped, and given grace in my life over and over. How easily my pride makes me forget.
“But by the grace of God I am what I am:
and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain;
but I laboured more abundantly than they all:
yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.”
I Corinthians 15:10
Some unpleasant circumstances are so daunting and overwhelming that it’s hard to imagine life will ever be okay again. Years ago, I had an administrator that I loved dearly and invested in heavily. She started as a teacher and quickly worked her way through the ranks until she was my right hand running the center. One day, we had an unusually high number of staff call out sick, including the cook and the morning was proving exceptionally stressful. She and I had agreed that she could start clocking in an hour later than our morning shift, if she would be on site in the event she was needed while we worked on hiring extra staff. That day, I need her to jump in and help, but she was nowhere to be found. Out of 11 open classrooms, I had 3 teachers, and I was in the kitchen in my high heels manically trying to get breakfast cooked. When she stepped in, I admit I probably wasn’t as calm and collected as I should have been, I asked her where she had been and reminded her of our agreement. She claimed she had no idea what I was talking about. Instead of arguing, I said we would figure it out later and gave her an instruction for where I needed her help. Seemed perfectly reasonable to me. Her response was to throw her hands in the air, say “I can’t take this” and stomp out the door. It took me a moment to realize she had literally walked out… all the way out of the building, and down the road. She left. I was in such distress that day over the whole situation. I knew I hadn’t handled her as sweetly as I perhaps should have, but I hadn’t been unkind and I did not understand her reaction. Additionally, I was panicking over the thought of losing my right-hand person and how I would handle doing her job and mine. I was already working over 60 hours per week and couldn’t conceive adding her duties to the load. It was a rough day for me – and it was my own fault. Christ is bigger than my circumstances!
“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”
II Corinthians 2:9-10
“But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19
In the end, the Lord sent me another person to fill her role who did a better job and didn’t have a meltdown when I wasn’t as sweet as she thought I should be mid-crisis. I don’t have to spend my time being overwhelmed by unpleasant circumstances, I can yield them to the Lord and trust that He has it handled!
“When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”
Psalms 61:2
One of my most humbling thoughts is that I represent the Lord in everything I do. How often do we slow down and ask ourselves if everything we have done that day truly reflects well on our Savior? My attitudes, my behavior, my decisions, and my words all reflect on Christ. As a Christian, I am His ambassador. My selfish brain likes to pretend that I only represent myself, and to some degree that is true. But more importantly, I represent my Lord and I want to represent him well. People know I am a Christian, so when they observe me, they are viewing my actions and words through that perspective. I have to ask myself if reactions show them a good example of a Christ-honoring response?
“Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us:”
II Corinthians 5:20a
When I find myself with my head in fairytale land, I need to remember that everyone faces unpleasant circumstances, even the pretty princesses. I am in control of how I respond and I get to choose to respond in a manner that is self-absorbed, or Christ-honoring.
“And we know that all things work together for good to them who love God,
to them who are the called according to his purpose.”
Romans 8:28
