By Dr. Amanda McElroy
Have you ever had a moment when you are face to face with someone who is being unkind and unreasonable, and you can’t find the words to respond… only to think of the perfect zinger two minutes after they walk away? Sometimes I wonder if that is my personal angel clamping his hand over my mouth.
A little while ago, a teacher and I parted ways, not entirely amicably. I was kind and calm but firm, and probably over-explained myself. She was in disbelief and thought I was power flexing. About a week later she asked if she could have a meeting with me. She came to my office, sat down, and proceeded to spend the next 13 minutes telling me in great detail what a degenerate and worthless individual and Christian she believes me to be. Throughout the monologue, I remained quiet. Mostly I think from shock at the level of hatred being expressed. I knew I held no hatred or bitterness in my heart toward her, and that I had genuinely done everything in my power to treat her exceptionally. At the end of her speech she expressed that she was struggling to be who she wanted to be and placed the blame at my feet.
Here’s my thoughts:
First, my angel’s hand was firmly in place across my mouth and mind. I had no thoughts of response. They wouldn’t come. I sat there, listening, like it was an out of body experience. I could see myself trying to keep a neutral and friendly expression on my face, I could feel myself in shock, taking in the accusations. But I couldn’t think of any words to offer a response. I’m glad my angel was helping me avoid regrets that day.
Second, the irony struck me of someone saying they wanted to be kind and loving while simultaneously spewing out hateful and angry words. You can’t have it both ways.
Luke 6:45 says: “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.”
Recently, a former staff member reached out because she was struggling with how to respond to a similar type of situation. Someone had publicly slandered her on social media, and the overall outcome was quite savage. They tried to get her fired from her current place of employment, all because they listened to gossip and generally just didn’t like her. In the end, they removed their social media post and put up a generic apology for any harm caused. This teacher’s life was impacted by the bitterness aimed her way and want’s an outlet to retaliate. But in the end of it all, her new boss acted with wisdom and she didn’t lose her job. Outside of the stress of dealing with being the target of such toxicity, there was no harm done to her life. She herself cannot both be a kind and sweet person while retaliating out of bitterness and hatred. We cannot have it both ways. Whatever we harbor in our hearts is what will come out and influences who we are becoming.
You will be what you are becoming. The inner thoughts I allow myself today will be my attitudes and words tomorrow. If I want to be a sweet person, I cannot dwell on bitter thoughts and I cannot choose bitter responses.
I’m grateful for every time my angel clamped his hand over my mouth and kept me from responding. When I am unsure of the best response, or course of action, I hope I always choose to err on the side of love and grace regardless of how the other person treated me, because that is who I want to be. I cannot be bitter toward one person, and then expect to be sweet toward the next.
James 3:11 “Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter?”
