by Dr. Amanda McElroy
“Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it.” Proverbs 3:27
My heart is squeezing in my chest, emotions are flooding through me: grief, anger, sorrow, love. I feel like a pinball machine – the little metal ball is bouncing from emotion to emotion within me. It started with a text last night. Nothing sinister. A completely innocuous heads up from a current staff member. A former staff member was inquiring about obtaining a copy of her CPR card and wanted to do so without having to ask me. She was hoping to bypass me and still get what she needed. No dice. No big deal, right? But this particular former staff member was one whom I professionally and personally invested in over the years. Yet, she left spewing venom about me and has repeatedly attempted to wreak havoc in my life since she left. The last time I interacted with her she was sitting in my office telling me what a louse of a human being and Christian she believes me to be. When she left, I sat behind my desk and sobbed my heart out for half an hour. I wanted so badly to see her succeed and she only wanted to get her way. It’s been a few months since that meeting, the only remembrance has been the behind-the-scenes chaos she has been unleashing on me and my organization. Attempts to get the organization in trouble with the state, attempts to get me fired, and most recently an attempt to have the state deem me an unfit director and revoke my license. But I digress.
Knowing she had been redirected to go through proper channels to obtain a copy of her CPR card, which would be to email me, I decided to go ahead and send it to her before she needed to ask. It was the right thing to do. Proverbs 3:27 provides a clear biblical principle on how we should treat others: “Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it.”
Once I possessed the knowledge that she was in need of something I have the power to provide, I have a duty to provide it. Further, to not do good for someone when I am aware of the need and have the ability to assist would be sin. James 4:17 clearly articulates this principle: “Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.”
CPR card sent. She needs it. I have it. It would be a sin to not send it to her – and as quickly as is reasonable, no delays. If I made her wait, I wouldn’t be doing right by her, I would be withholding the good I am commanded to give.
After the email was sent, I thought that would be the end. Case closed. Help given. No further communication needed. A few minutes later, just as I was about to leave the office, I received a response thanking me and stating she was also going to request her training certificates. I stared at the email for a minute, debating. Technically, our policies state that current staff may have copies of any records from their file at any time and that once they are no longer employed, no records will be provided (CPR card being an exception because they paid for it). I stood behind my desk staring at that email for a shameful amount of time. Proverbs 3:27 does not have a limitation to the good we are to provide to others when we have the power to do so. I thought about emailing one of my office staff and delegating the task. The fact that I was needing to consider if that was right or wise gave me the answer – nope. I went in search of her file, thinking I could get it done right then, allowing me to tuck the messy emotions away and move on with my life. The file was nowhere to be found. My office staff were already gone for the day, and I wasn’t about to call them when they were off the clock to ask them to help me find the file. I sent a response email to let the former staff member know we would be happy to provide the requested certificates and would do so within two business days. I needed time to find the file! Oh boy. Wouldn’t that just be lovely? Lose the file of the person who has worked harder than any other individual in the decade I’ve been the boss lady to destroy my life. Goody.
This morning, solving the case of the missing file was at the top of the agenda. One of my wonderful office ladies found it right away. Like when you tell your mom you can’t find your shoe only to have her walk into your room and immediately point it out, on your foot. I’ll laugh about it later. Once again, I found myself considering delegating the task, and once again the hesitation in my heart told me that was not the right decision. I stood at the copier and one by one made copies of two years’ worth of training certificates. Pesky staples kept me from being able to simply copy the whole stack in one whack. As I stood there, just a few moments ago, all the emotions came and took their place on my shoulders, like a crew of devils hosting a conference.
You know, the Bible doesn’t tell us to obey when we feel like it, when our emotions aren’t hosting a conference on our shoulders, when we don’t feel overwhelmed. The Bible calls for immediate and complete obedience. Anything short of that is sin. Consider what Samuel said to the children of Israel: “And Samuel said, Hath the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.” I Samuel 15:22
God wants our obedience. When it comes to how we treat others, His Word is very clear. We are not to withhold good when we have the power to do it, and choosing to withhold good when we have the power to do it is sin. How we feel about it bears no weight.
That said, I want to have a Christ-honoring attitude. I don’t want there to be a devil conference hosted on my shoulders. This morning, I was reading Psalm 42, verse 11 stood out to me and I wondered what the application would be to my day. When the devil conference started forming on my shoulders, I found my answer.
“Why are thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.” Psalm 42:11
The devil conference wants me to be sad, to throw a pity party for how I’ve been treated. But that isn’t what the Bible tells me to do. I didn’t search out these emotions, I don’t want to swim in them all day, I’ve got to do something with them. I have no angst or bitterness in my heart toward the former staff member wanting her certificates. That’s not the issue, the issue is that I suddenly find emotions coursing through me that are not healthy, helpful, or God-honoring. It wasn’t enough to do right by her, I must also have the right attitude about it. David’s answer to fixing his attitude when his heart was sad, was to praise God. The answer is to stop focusing on ourselves and to direct our focus on our Savior and on praising Him for His mercy, grace, and goodness.
P.S. Do I have to?
There is no qualifier in Proverbs about who we are to do good for and who we can ignore. There is no verse in the entire Bible that gives us permission to withhold good from those who have mistreated us. Quite the opposite actually. Luke 6:28 instructs Christians to: “Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.” Proverbs takes this principle even further. Let me paint a picture for you of who is saying these words. The author of Proverbs was Solomon, David’s son and the wisest man to walk the earth other than Christ himself. Solomon grew up watching his father be despitefully used by his enemies, and he had a first-row seat to watching how his father responded. David must have done something right in his love for the Lord and pursuit of God’s will for his life – his son grew up to love and follow the Lord as well. Solomon, having much behind-the-scenes information about how his father handled enemy after enemy and remained a man after God’s own heart said this: “If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink: For thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head, and the Lord shall reward thee.” Proverbs 25:21-22 (Paul echo’s this instruction in Romans 12:20)
Not only may I not use having been mistreated by someone as an excuse to withhold good, I am instructed to provide the care that I am able to provide. The worse a person has treated me, the more carefully I should approach how I interact with them. It is easy to avoid doing good things for those who have mistreated us. Our natural reaction is to jump into our ego-spaceships and soar off to the stars in righteous indignation. But if we are obeying the Bible, that is the wrong reaction. We are to do right by everyone, we are to do go to everyone when we have the power to do so, whether it is for family, friend, stranger, or foe matters not.
