“A scorner loveth not one that reproveth him: neither will he go unto the wise.” Proverbs 15:12
Have you ever felt the urge to leave a note on someone’s car explaining to them that they did an awful job parking and need to do better? As a person who drives a large vehicle that needs every inch of the parking space, poor parking skills are a particular frustration to me. Not very long ago, I was trying to find a spot at a very busy store. It seemed there were none to be found. Half the city was also frequenting this store to take advantage of a sale. I could have parked far away, but I was in heels and greatly hoping not to walk any farther than necessary that day. As it happened, there was one spot within decent walking distance. I watched three cars approach it, pause, and then continue down the row. Curious, I approached the empty spot, wondering why they passed on such a great spot. The answer was soon evident – the vehicle on the right was close to the line and the vehicle to the left was literally parked on the line. No person in their right mind would park there: while their vehicle might fit, there wouldn’t be room to open the door and climb out – unless they wanted to climb out the back hatch. Well, I’m not known for being in my right mind and in the spot I parked, strategically I might add. There was just enough space to open my door a smidge, turn sideways, and literally squeeze out the door. I felt that rush you get when you’ve accomplished something difficult and hoped that the person to the left was gone when I returned. Getting out is one thing: getting back in was going to be an entirely different situation. If I had a piece of paper, I would have left them a note, gently informing them that their parking skills are subpar and that such parking decisions are entirely selfish and inconsiderate. Back up, straighten up, and pull into the space again… it’s not that difficult.
A lot can be learned about a person by how they receive correction. Correction can come in the form of a true friend pointing out an area worthy of improvement. Correction can come in the form of a reprimand from an authority. Correction can even come in the form of being chastised by a stranger.
How often are we faced with situations where we are the offending person who can’t park straight and probably need someone to be bold enough to kindly point out the error of our ways? If we were the person who received a note under our windshield wiper, how would we respond?
Many years ago, I got a note under my windshield wiper. I had run into a store for just a few minutes and left my dog in the vehicle with the windows cracked and a bowl of water. It was a particularly hot day, but I knew I would be in and out in a jiffy. When I returned, there was a note educating me on what a mean-spirited, neglectful, incompetent person I was for leaving my dog in my vehicle. Admittedly, I was instantly filled with rage. Who does this person think they are? They should mind their own business! My response was that of a scorner, not a wise person. Instead of seeing the value in the message they were trying to convey – that I was putting my dog in an unsafe situation – I chose to reject and mock their admonition. Proverbs 15:12 conveys a principle about how we respond to correction: “A scorner loveth not one that reproveth him: neither will he go unto the wise.” When we choose not to accept correction, even from a stranger, in that moment, we are not behaving wisely, we are behaving as scorners.
Let’s bring the illustration closer to our daily lives as I’m sure none of us regularly get notes on our windows in parking lots (if you do, don’t tell us!). How do we respond when we are receiving correction from a coworker, a friend, a parent, or an authority? Think of the last time someone was unhappy with a decision you made, or a behavior they witnessed from you and were willing to address the offending behavior with you. How did you respond? It can be difficult to respond well in those moments. None of us appreciate unsought advice, much less in the form of correction or criticism.
One day I was having a meeting with a staff member who had made an unwise decision, putting a child in an unsafe situation. A coworker had witnessed the situation and gotten the supervisor involved. The supervisor verified the accuracy of the account, and in the end the staff member in question found herself in my office being held accountable for her actions. My hope was that she would be upset with herself for placing a child in an unsafe situation: that would be the most appropriate response. Unfortunately, her response was not one of concern for what harm could have come to the child, rather she was concerned with not receiving a disciplinary write up. She was upset with the coworker, supervisor, and myself for holding her accountable for her decision. Her reaction to being corrected was not wise, it was scornful. Because no harm had come to the child, she felt that we were making a mountain out of a molehill. Her employment relationship did not survive her reaction to correction that day. When we care more about what happens to us than we do to the people our decision effects, we are being scornful.
Another time, I pulled a staff member into a quick meeting to provide guidance on a situation that was handled well but could have been handled excellently. Instead of listening to understand, the staff member would launch into a detailed and repetitive explanation every time I took a breath. She was justifying her choices and actions, trying to give me the backstory and her logic at the time. When we care more about justifying why we made the choice we made than we care to hear how we could improve that choice, we are being scornful.
There is a young lady that has worked on my staff for a few years that has been a role model of responding wisely to correction. Perhaps we can learn from her example today. When I feel the need to have a meeting to offer constructive criticism, or sharpen her in a specific area, she absorbs everything I’m saying, asks follow-up questions to clarify anything she didn’t fully understand, and expresses gratitude for being guided. When we respond to correction by listening to understand and with gratefulness for the person being willing to help us improve, we are not being scornful, we are being wise.
Another staff member also has displayed wise responses to being corrected. I am much younger than this staff member, yet, when I see a behavior or decision that I believe could be improved, she is still open to learning. A little while ago, I overheard an interaction that was not wise and was not appropriate. I called her into my office to address what I had heard, expecting push back and justification for the behavior. Instead, I was met with an immediate softening of spirit and humility. Her response was: “You’re right, I needed someone to tell me to fix myself.” When we respond to correction with humility and a soft spirit, acknowledging that we weren’t doing right, we are not being scornful, we are being wise.
How we respond to correction can tell us much about how our spirit is doing. When we find ourselves bowing up in pride and refusing to hear correction, or getting upset at someone for providing unsought constructive criticism, we must be willing to admit that we are acting like a scorner and fix ourselves! The appropriate response to being rebuked, whether from a friend, a parent, a coworker, an authority, or a stranger is to hear it and be grateful they were willing to provide guidance.
