Have you ever stopped to consider the influences you allow in your life? Not just social media, tv, and music, but relationships. I have a friend that I have known for over a decade, we don’t see each other very often anymore, because this friend who we will call Jordan only communicates with me when it is convenient for them. When I reach out, they typically don’t respond. When they reach out, they get frustrated if I am not available to spend time together with no notice. For the last few years, I have known that this is not a healthy relationship. They are being disrespectful to me by not bothering to respond or communicate when it’s not convenient. And they are being selfish when they expect me to make myself immediately available. By allowing the friendship to continue, I am allowing them to be an influence, and not a positive one. After over a decade of friendship, I wonder why I didn’t recognize from the start that they weren’t going to be a positive influence much less a godly friend, and how I can recognize it in the future?
A godly friend points you toward the Lord. In I Samuel, the Bible tells the stories of Saul chasing David all over the country, wanting to kill him so he couldn’t be the next king. Chapter 23 tells of David and his men living in the wilderness, hiding from king Saul. God has chosen David to be the next king, and God was protecting David and his men, keeping king Saul from finding them. The mental picture I get is Robin Hood and the sheriff of Nottingham. David and his men weren’t hiding for a few days, they were living in the wilderness, away from their families and homes. Unable to return home, or they would be captured and killed. I imagine that as time wore on, they got discouraged and weary of living in the woods. I imagine that they doubted if they were still doing the right thing. I wonder how hard it was for David to be living in the woods, knowing he was anointed by God to be the next king. He could have chosen to go find king Saul and end the chase but killing him and taking over the kingdom. But he didn’t. He was following God’s will for his life and waiting on the Lord. During this time, Saul’s son Jonathan, visited David. Years prior, Jonathan and David had become friends, and their hearts had knit together. Jonathan took the time and effort to go to David and encourage him to keep waiting on the Lord.
“And Jonathan Saul’s son arose, and went to David into the wood, and strengthened his hand in God.” I Samuel 23:16
David and Jonathan provide a clear example of a positive and godly friendship. Jonathan didn’t go to David and ask for the juicy details. He didn’t choose to stay home because the timing was inconvenient. He went to his friend and pointed him toward the Lord.
When examining friendships and assessing if they are positive and healthy, let’s ask ourselves if this friendship is a godly friendship. Let’s ask ourselves if this friend points us toward the Lord like Jonathan did for David. If the answer is no, we would be wise to take a step back from the friendship. We would be wise to find godly friends who are going to be positive influences.
P.S.
I find myself wondering if I am a godly friend and positive influences for others. Do I point my friends to the Lord? Do I go to them when they are struggling and strengthen them in the Lord like Jonathan? Or am I the friend who doesn’t want to be inconvenienced? Am I the friend who avoids the conversation entirely because it is uncomfortable? Someone once told me uncomfortable conversations make for good relationships, and I’ve found it to be true. Am I willing to have the uncomfortable conversation, laced with kindness, that points others toward the Lord? Am I a godly friend? Are you?
